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I remember

Dismal nights of screaming through the wall

Screaming loud enough to 

wake

the

dead

I clutched my stuffed dog and prayed

that life would not always be like this.

I was never taught the love of 

long soulful looks

I was taught the love of bickering

and grimacing through the day.

I’ve only known the love of 

agonizingly

slow

touches

And a cold bed come morning

When I found love it was from a boy

a selfish

small-willed boy

I came to know love from

sobbing on the way home from food banks

and falling asleep empty.

I wonder if I’m too old to pray

that life will not always be like this

 

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Let me go ahead and be real with you followers.

I look in the mirror and I loathe what I see. I know I used to better, I used to not hate myself. I can’t remember that time. It’s a distant memory before my sagging tummy and full cheeks. 

I tell myself, well tomorrow I will start improving. I’ll go and try to make myself better. I hate myself because I know it’s a lie. I don’t have the willpower to do shit any more. Even though every time I walk from the bathroom to the bedroom without pants on and see my boyfriends eyes on me I want to cry.

With this much hatred you would think it would fuel me to something greater. Instead I feel like it’s sinking me, and I’m drowning in fat a failure. 

Maybe this is how the rest of my life will be. Settling with not being good enough, hoping nothing better comes along for the other people in my life, because fuck knows I’m not good enough for someone to stick around. 

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koalatea:

casuallycarrots:

OK THAT IS IT I AM SO DONE WITH THIS OK 
I am so sick of people thinking it’s suddenly okay to make fun of “white people” because they are not an oppressed group and have made fun of other races/groups/ect. you go call us babies when we fight against it, when really it’s just a whole cycle of immaturity. Hasn’t anyone ever heard of being the bigger person in a situation? Get over yourself. Just because you are bullied does NOT mean you should bully back, it makes you just as bad as the first person! OK. I dont even care if it was a joke its just stupid, you’re all fucking babies.

white people are at it again 

Guys, white people eat boneless wings. 
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